The pain and grief is so intense right now I get up to take Harlow outside, I get up to eat, then I have to go back to bed. This room has always been my refuge, my hiding place.  Yesterday I felt like such a freak.  I don't know how I survived this.
    I found out I can send the request into the hospital through the mail.  So I will do that.  Hopefully I willl know once and for all how many babies I had.   I just want to know so I can move on. I'm tired of being stuck here.  Then I can decide what if anything to do about the DNA donors.  I think they need to answer for this the abuse was bad but all these babies. 
    I'm suprised that none have them have found me.  I hope that means they are happy and content...
Iv'e got some decisions to make and I want to move on.........   3/7/14